I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...SO HELP ME GOD!

“I really don’t eat that much.”

“It doesn’t matter what I do, I just can’t lose weight.”

“I’ve been so good all day, I’m going to treat myself.”

“This one meal is not going to make a difference.”

“But it’s my [birthday/anniversary/cousin’s birthday/sister’s anniversary/Labor Day/Flag Day]!”

Ever heard any of these? Ever SAID any of these?

I’ve said them all.

Multiple times.

And that is why I am still walking around in my big-girl pants.

If I truly want to end my love affair with the elastic waistband, I have to do some serious business with the mindset that spouts out these lies as if they were the truth. Yep. They are lies, every single one of ‘em. And no, the fact that I have spewed them out with great conviction does NOT make them true.

I am a master at self-deception.

This is not an easy thing to admit. In my personal life, in my marriage, in my role as a parent I am committed to living with honesty and integrity. I want to model that for my son. And yet, when it comes to my eating habits, I have been lying to myself for so long that those phrases above have rolled off my tongue without a hint of conscience. I’d even convinced myself that I was telling the truth. But I wasn’t.

For those of us battling a significant amount of weight, we are all guilty of self-deception, and many of us, like me, are masters at it. Before we commit to any program or eating plan, we first have to stop the insanity of our daily self-delusion and commit to brutal honesty about our food and what we are putting into our bodies. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. And it is the only way to make a lasting change.

Before we can be honest, I think we first have to dissect the lies:

“I really don’t eat that much.”

               or

“It doesn’t matter what I do, I just can’t lose weight.”

 

Several years ago I watched a documentary on Patrick Deuel, who at the time weighed 1070 pounds – yes, over a half-ton. He complained that the cause of his morbid obesity was little more than unfortunate genetics and said at one point in his interview: “I really don’t eat more than anyone else.” His wife, once out of his earshot, told a very different story. She confessed, with great shame, that she provided him enormous quantities of food – a daily menu consisted of several pounds of bacon, donuts, several large pizzas, buckets of fried chicken, cheeseburgers and french fries. She said that if she refused to provide him the food he demanded, he became so nasty and verbally abusive that she just decided it was easier to give in.

 

While few of us live in denial of THAT scale, I have certainly been guilty of denying the volume of what actually goes into my mouth. I eat healthy food in quantities that negate the healthy aspect. Or, I eat the sensible lunch and then an hour later, feeling hungry, eat the apple I should eat, followed by a crackers, then chips, a few more crackers with cheese, one of Carson’s fruit snacks, a few more chips and before I realize it, I’ve grazed my way into dinner time. My “snack amnesia” kicks in and suddenly I’ve forgotten about everything between lunch and dinner except for the apple and maybe a few crackers. Then I find myself on the scale wondering why my healthy eating plan isn’t working the way the book said it would.

 

I wish I were kidding, but I’ve done this. I’ve seen other people do it. And if you think you ought to be dropping weight like crazy, but you’re not, there is a good chance you are doing it too.

Just sayin’.

 

“I’ve been so good all day, I’m going to treat myself.” 

               or

“This one meal is not going to make a difference.”

 

Both of these make me want to flail my arms up and down like that robot from Lost in Space. “Danger, Will Robinson!! Danger!!” (I know, my age is showing). We’re often not as good as we think we’ve been (see above) and the “treats” are often much “worse” (calorie-wise, fat-wise, etc) than we care to admit. But even more than that, for a genuine food-addicted, chocolate-covered-donut-dreamer like myself, I can find myself so focused on continuously looking for “excuses” to treat myself, I never acquire the taste for healthy snacks or the new, healthy eating habits that I need long term and that is the real problem.

 

In Lysa Terkeurst’s book Made to Crave, she shares her battle to choose her healthy meal and avoid the chips and salsa she really wanted:

I had to stop thinking about what I shouldn’t have and park my mind on thoughts of being thankful for what I could have. I could have delicious grilled fish and steamed broccoli. Food that is healthy and beneficial for giving my body strength. We must embrace the boundaries of the healthy eating plan we chose. We must see them a parameters that define our freedom with things like grilled fish and broccoli, not as horrible restrictions keeping us from chips and salsa (p.150)

It takes time to embrace the healthy options. I know enjoying “natural” snacks is not natural at all to some of us. But it does happen, strangely and inexplicably, it does happen. I may not crave that apple the way I have craved some of those less healthy options, but I’ve discovered that I am actually beginning to enjoy it and I don’t have to deal with the guilt and disappointment in myself afterwards. THAT alone is worth it.

 

“But it’s my [birthday/anniversary/cousin’s birthday/sister’s anniversary/Labor Day/Flag Day/3rd anniversary of my niece's youngest child’s first haircut]!”

 

It’s always something. There is always going to be a holiday or special occasion that screams “Fried appetizers for everyone! Dessert all around!” While I am a firm believer that no one ever got fat because they ate mashed potatoes and gravy on Thanksgiving, I also know that I can find “occasions” 3 times a week to justify a poor choice, whether it’s “But we’re eating at [ _____ ] and I love their [ ______ ] ” or “I am too tired to make a really healthy meal.”

 

My wedding anniversary was last weekend and our celebratory meal was at a restaurant that offers one of my favorite appetizers – fried calamari. I love it, in all its flash-fried goodness, provided it is properly prepared and not overly breaded or over-cooked. But we looked past the calamari and instead we chose an ahi tuna starter with fresh cucumber and mint that was absolutely delicious and completely guilt free. I could have easily justified the unhealthy option: “But it’s our anniversary and we NEVER eat here.” In the midst of a commitment to healthy eating, one special occasion has usually turned into a binge on every forbidden item I could find on the menu. The problem was that in spite of my best intentions, my binge never stopped there. It is as if that one step off the curb left me playing in a street of forbidden food traffic, and time after time, I find myself hit by every culinary temptation that went by. This time, I decided to choose differently. I chose a healthier option for dinner than I typically would have chosen and I ignored the dessert tray entirely, instead choosing a delicious (and much lower calorie) after dinner drink.

 

I walked out of that restaurant comfortably satisfied, not stuffed, and I felt good about the choices I’d made rather than feeling a need to assuage my guilt over bad choices with an endless list of rationalizations. It was empowering and it showed me that good choices leave me feeling liberated, not deprived.

 

As I commit myself to a healthier relationship with food, I have made another commitment to myself:

 

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

 

No more lying to myself about what I’m eating or not eating. No more excuses. No more rationalizations. No more pretending. Like any relationship, a healthy relationship with food begins with honesty – brutal honesty – and sometimes honesty is difficult. Even unpleasant. But it is essential. And the “so help me God” part? It isn’t just a cliché, it is essential too. A quick prayer in the midst of decision is often the difference between the carrot stick and the carrot cake. One of them I feel great about afterward, and the other I have to make excuses for. The Lord has proven time and time again that when I let Him, he empowers me to make the better choice.  

 

“…and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32b