I nestled in close with my 4-year-old son, cherishing our bedtime routine of snuggles and prayers. I love to inhale the smell of his freshly washed hair and feel the warmth of his little body as he cuddles in as close as he can. As I prayed for him in the darkness of his little bedroom, he piped in at the end “And Jesus, please make mommy’s nose all better.”
Ah, my nose. Yes.
My middle-aged, mid-40s body had produced some sort of hormonal cocktail that wreaked havoc on my complexion and left my nose in a rash of acne. Leaving the house as little as possible, I dabbed on creams and ointments, desperately trying to conquer the outbreak and avoid a trip to the dermatologist my insurance would not cover. I would breathe a sigh of relief as I watched one pimple diminish only to wake up the next morning to discover two (and at one point, four) had risen to take it’s place. I gently powdered to go in public, desperate to avoid drawing attention to this unfortunate outbreak, though it wouldn’t have been any more conspicuous if I’d taken to wearing a bright red clown-nose (the redness of my nose as it was, was nearly as embarrassing).
I found myself really aggravated. Really, Lord? At my age? Why my nose? Couldn’t I have a shin-pimple? An ingrown hair on my elbow? Even a boil on my back? Something not so obvious and "out there?" Aren’t my flabby thighs and corpulent bottom enough humiliation for one woman to endure? Must I battle glaringly obvious teenage acne well into middle age?
Over the next several days, Carson was my personal little prayer warrior against nose acne. And over the next several days, the improvement was nothing short of remarkable. In fact, within a few days of his fervent storming of the heavens on my behalf, my nose was nearly back to normal.
Last night as I tucked Carson into bed he reminded me that we had yet to pray for my nose. I told him that thanks to his prayers it was nearly healed and that it probably wasn’t necessary to pray for it anymore. He inspected it closely and declared “But Mommy, it’s not all the way better yet” and immediately prayed with all the seriousness that he could muster that my nose would get “all the way better.”
How often have I appealed to the heavens for change and the minute things begin to improve I abandon the prayer altogether and move on to other things before I’ve gotten that last thing “all the way better.”
For several weeks after the potato chip incident, I found myself miraculously empowered to bypass those temptations that had completely derailed me in the past. I began to feel confident and comfortable. I began to feel as if I might actually beat this food thing into submission once and for all. And then I just quit praying about it.
Fast forward a few weeks and I am presented with an unexpected temptation. At a lunch out with my sister-in-law she bought me a chocolate cupcake. An extraordinary, moist, delicious, chocolate cupcake. No longer bolstered by consistent prayer, I crumbled before I even paused to think about it. I didn't even try to resist.
Dang. I guess I’m not “all better” after all.
The issue isn’t really about the cupcake. That few tablespoons of chocolate frosting is not going to reverse the weight I’ve lost thus far or render me unable to lose weight in the future. BUT, what it DID do was stall my progress toward consistently exercising power over my decisions. Noticeably so. After the cupcake, I found that choosing healthy options was suddenly more difficult. Bypassing some of my old unhealthy favorites – something that had become easy over the last few weeks – was suddenly a matter requiring an internal combat of wills. And my body, which had become accustomed to the deprivation of sugar, was suddenly craving it at every turn. I realized that I’m not done praying about this – “all better” is still a ways off.
I’m not sure why I always have to “mess up” in order to get the message, but I tend to be like that with a lot of things. I wish that I could be one of those people who says “Here is my eating plan and I am sticking to it!” and then actually stick to it. Instead I’m someone who’s successes are tempered by the occasional faceplant, who’s hands are always a little skinned up and who’s pants always seem to have a little dirt on them from the time spent on the ground.
I’m realizing I actually need to spend a little more time on my face – not because I’ve fallen there, but because I put myself there at the foot of the cross. There are two verses that speak to me in the midst of this thing, and I’ve taken them apart a bit to really unpack all they can teach us:
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope…
It is important to understand the word “hope” as Paul intends it. This isn’t “optimism” or positive thinking, this hope is an assurance of victory through Christ! There IS a light at the end of this tunnel, and that light is the glory of God. Rejoice!
…be patient in tribulation…
It’s hard to be patient when things are tough. Sometimes the fact that the tribulation you face is of your own creation makes it even more challenging to tolerate with grace. Of course, the tribulation Paul is talking about here is the abuse the Christians endured because of their belief in Jesus, and while I don’t equate shopping the plus-sized racks at Macy’s with being tortured on the rack for my faith, I also don’t want to minimize it. It is frustrating to feel as if you continue to battle the same dragons over and over again. But be patient and…
…be constant in prayer.
Prayer has to be a priority – for all of us, certainly, but especially for those of us in the midst of a power struggle with something that threatens to derail us (like cupcakes or potato chips). Don’t wait until the moment on the battlefield of temptation to pray for strength! It is those prayers in the morning when I am not struggling that remind me to pray for strength when the real temptations come.
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Colossians 4:2
Continue steadfastly in prayer…
This is a recurring theme in both of these verses. Pray, pray, pray. And pray. And then go pray some more.
…being watchful in it with thanksgiving.
Gratitude! How often have I ignored the progress I’ve made and the victories God has walked me through because I am focused on one failure – on one aspect of the process that wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be. Praise Jesus for each tick-down of the scale! Praise Jesus for each battle won! Thank you, Lord, that you love me so much you will walk me through this!
That said, we also need to be watchful. While I am, by the grace of God, making progress, I am also very weak in areas where I need to learn to be strong. I mustn’t abandon prayer when I see it is simply “better than it was.” I still have areas where my priorities are skewed and where food matters much more than it ought. I need to continue praying about this stronghold in my life until God has completely freed me of it – until I have learned all the lessons that God needs to teach me through this journey.
Until it is, in the words of my precious little boy, “all the way better.”
