Blind

I stood in stunned silence and stared at myself in the hotel-room mirror. This was a very big problem. I replayed the previous 45 seconds in my mind a few times and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Why do these things happen to me??? I breathed a heavy sigh and went to the room next door where my parents, husband and son were waiting for me.

My mom took one look at me and immediately said “What’s wrong?”

“I just flushed my glasses down the toilet.”

“You did WHAT?”

“My glasses fell into the toilet when it was flushing and they are gone. They went down. I couldn’t get them.”

I had to explain the sequence of events a few times because it was just so…bizarre. I’d bent over to pick something up off of the bathroom floor while the toilet was flushing. My glasses, which were pushed up on top of my head while I did a few makeup touch-ups, fell off into the industrial strength flush of the hotel-room toilet and in a second they were gone.

GONE.

Fourth of July had given us the perfect excuse to escape the scorching desert heat of Phoenix and head north to enjoy higher elevations and cooler temperatures. We checked into our hotel in early afternoon to freshen up before heading out to enjoy the evening celebration. The “incident” occurred shortly after we arrived, and with no “backup” on hand I was nearly blind for the remainder of our trip. When I say “nearly blind” it’s only a slight exaggeration. I’ve worn glasses since kindergarten and I am terribly, terribly nearsighted. While I enjoyed our evening of festivities and fireworks and our hike around a scenic (or so I'm told) lake the next day, it was difficult and at times frustrating to not be able to share in much of what my visually UNimpaired family was enjoying.  Never again will I take the gift of corrective lenses for granted!

But, better physically blind than spiritually so.

Jesus showed great compassion and love for the lost, but his interactions with the scribes and Pharisees took on a very different tone. In Matthew 23, in what could be best described as a “rant” on the Pharisees, Jesus calls them both hypocrites (6 times) and blind (5 times). They had become so caught up in rules and legalism that they’d abandoned the true reason for the law in the first place – guidelines for a life of holiness that allowed communion with God. For many of them, their faith consisted of nothing more than religious showmanship that fed their selfish pride, and God was simply a vehicle for status and self-aggrandizement.

It is so easy to be critical of the Pharisees. We read these words and feel an identification with Jesus' righteous anger towards men who would rather see a crippled man continue to suffer than rejoice in a miraculous healing that "broke a rule" of Sabbath rest.  Men so devoted to the rules, they were completely blind, not only to the love and compassion and awe-inspiring miracles of Jesus, but to His identity as their long-awaited Messiah.

In verses Philippians 3:4-6,  Paul addresses his own walk in the robes of the Pharisee.  He had the right lineage, the right training, the right lifestyle, and yet he says:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith  Philippians 3:7-9 (emphasis mine)

As I read this passage, I had to ask myself "Am I living out my faith inspired by the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord?"   Paul was acutely aware not only of the magnitude of Christ's sacrifice on his behalf, but also his own unworthiness. It is only when we realize those two things in concert that we can begin to fathom a faith like Paul's and live it out for ourselves.

Simply put, the faith of Paul the Pharisee (then called Saul) was all about how great Saul was. The faith of Paul the Apostle was about how great GOD is.

The same goes for us when we seek to follow Christian rules rather than follow Christ. Legalism keeps us so obsessed with who we are that we miss who God is. We just as well flush our spiritual glasses down the toilet and satisfy ourselves with the notion that we live a pretty good life most of the time, checking the right boxes and NOT checking the wrong ones (Devotional time? Check! Cursing? Nope, not today! Hooray, victory!) Really? Is that why Jesus died for me? Just so I could live out the "be a better person" rules a little more successfully?

Living out the faith Paul talks of here is a very different thing. When we begin with the realization that any notion of righteousness we lay claim to cost Jesus his life (we can never check enough boxes to be good enough for a Holy God) we are able to approach our faith from a place of humility and gratitude. As Christ-followers, our lives should be examples of vibrant faith, inspired by the love of a Holy God and empowered by the Holy Spirit.

My prayer is that we as Christ-followers would live lives that bring Him glory, that we would be vibrant testimonies to what God can do even through a shambles of a human-being (in my case, anyway!), and that we might reflect Him more and more clearly every day.

Leave your nets!

And Jesus said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men.” And immediately they left their nets and followed him.  Mark 1:17-18 (ESV)

Jesus speaks to Simon (Peter) and Andrew as they are working their fishing business, casting nets and pulling them in for the day's catch. “Follow me” He says, and they go immediately, leaving their nets behind to follow Jesus. We are told in John (1:40) that Andrew had been a follower of John the Baptist and had heard him testify that Jesus was the Messiah, so we know that this was not some impulsive decision made in ignorance of the man for whom they were abandoning their boats.

Jesus’ call continues and it is directed to each of us. “Follow me” He says. As I’ve challenged myself to live as a Christ-follower rather than simply labeling myself “Christian”, I’ve realized how different the two really are. It is an abandonment of self, it is the release of religious affinities in favor of Biblical truth, it is relinquishment of personal preference in pursuit of Christ’s call. It is caring about what the Bible says more than what my friends or my family or my emotions dictate. It is not simply Jesus first, but Jesus ONLY.

Immediately…

 

In Luke 9 we are told of several other would-be disciples. One man declares his dedication “I will follow you anywhere!” but when Jesus tells him “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (v.57) we hear nothing further from this aspiring follower. Christ calls another man directly, but this man wants to wait until his father dies before he takes the plunge of discipleship. “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God” (v.60). A third wants to say goodbye to his family – a last “hurrah” if you will. Jesus says to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God” (v.62). There was no “immediately” from any of these three men. There was no following at all. Perhaps they were happy to fit Jesus into their lives in some way, but presented with the notion of Jesus above all else, Jesus ONLY, they were not willing to commit to THAT.

 

Are we so different?  

 

As a child raised in church I envisioned this scene, with me in the role of the biblical-era prospective disciple and I imagined Jesus' eyes meeting mine as He called “follow me.” My childhood devotion could visualize nothing less than tossing aside my Barbie dolls and Easy-Bake oven for a life clinging to the robes of Jesus, whatever the cost. How could anyone turn down an offer to walk side-by-side with the real, live, skin-on Savior? 

 

The beauty of child-like faith is not only its simplicity but its uncomplicated honesty.  Things are black and white and why would anyone, presented with the option of hanging out with Jesus, want to do anything else FIRST!  But for so many of us, somewhere in those growing up years, as we exchange our Barbie dolls and Easy-Bake ovens (and Legos and Tonka trucks) for careers, cars, homes and families, following Christ becomes little more than adding a bit of Jesus to our already jam-packed lives. Christianity is defined by an hour at church on Sunday listening to a good, uplifting message, and prayers before dinner. Perhaps we even go to a Bible study if it sounds interesting and we’ve got a friend who’ll go with us. But the notion of prioritizing our lives around our faith, as opposed to the other way around?  

That’s a little…well, much…right?

 

...they left their nets, and followed him.

 

How often in my own walk have I sought to follow Jesus, but I can’t quite bring myself to leave the nets of my own life - not my responsibilities to my home and my family, but my nets of preconceived notions and personal preferences, nets of expectations and attitudes, nets of comfortable rules and yes, sometimes even sin. I love Jesus, but I just don’t want to let go of those things, so I press on down the paths and trails of life, claiming faith but all the while dragging this “meshwork of me” that catches on every rock, weed and shrub, slowing me down.  

 

This is the case for many believers, isn’t it? We want it to be “us and Jesus”, side-by-side, but we are constantly distracted from the leading of our Savior by the tangled chaos of frustrations and crises and bad judgment and sin and sometimes even misguided religion.  Our nets are a mess of branches and dirt and weeds that we’ve caught up along the way, but we won't let them go - they are a mess, but the mess is so familiar we just can't seem to leave it behind..

 

Meanwhile, Jesus continues walking, leading, longing for us to drop those dirty, branch-catching nets in favor of an unhindered life of Him and Him only.

 

What would our walk of faith look like if we abandoned our "nets" of personal opinion, preference, attitude and feelings in favor of a life walking side by side with Jesus, focused only on Him?  What would our churches look like if we cast those nets aside and not only read the Word, but lived it and, perhaps even more so, loved  it simply because it is the Word of God?

 

...with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind

...“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 22:37-40 (ESV)

In this passage, Jesus himself declares that nothing else is more important than loving our God with all of our hearts, all of our souls and all of our minds. When the launching point for our lives is an overwhelming love for our heavenly Father, everything else finds its place. 

But when it comes to loving God, I think many of us are handicapped by the fact that we have absolutely NO idea how much God loves US - if we even grasp that He loves us at all.  We read verses like John 3:16 and Romans 5:8 and whether familiarity has robbed them of their impact or we have simply neglected to read them with a heart to understand, we miss the reality of a love so vast that it is only vaguely conceivable in light of the vastness of the One who loves. 

God loves me. 

God loves you. 

The Almighty Creator, Sovereign Lord of All, The Alpha and the Omega, the Everlasting God loves us.

He loves us through the pains of disappointment and the joys of success.  He loves us through our confident moves forward and through fearful uncertainty. He loves us when we chase after Him with reckless abandon and He loves us when we plod along dragging our dirty, tangled nets that represent our worldly expectations and human frailties and all the things that distract us from our singular purpose as believers: Following Christ.

It was only when I began to realize and meditate upon how immense (incomprehensible, really) God's love is for us that I was truly able to begin loving Him.  And the more I love God, the more grateful I am for Christ's work on the cross, the more I realize that there is a singular focus in my life.  A lens through which I view everything that I am and everything that I do: Following Jesus.

Let's just leave those nets and follow Jesus.,
 
May we leave our nets of pressured comparison to follow Him as we parent our precious children.

May we leave our nets of selfish expectation as we follow Him within our marriages. 

May we leave our nets of fear as we follow Him in our workplaces. 

May we leave our nets of personal preference and follow Him in our churches.

Immediately, may we leave our nets and simply follow Jesus!

 

 

 

 

Mommy Meltdown

That Monday was just one of those mornings. My 4-year-old woke up on the wrong side of the bed and nothing was to his liking. He complained about his breakfast and whined about being asked to get ready for preschool. He decided he didn’t like the clothes he’d picked out and felt that the effort of putting on his underwear was above and beyond what anyone should expect of a boy his age. The final straw came when tooth-brushing degenerated into smearing toothpaste around the bathroom counter and finally, apparently exhausted by the effort of putting on his now toothpaste-covered underwear, he collapsed on the floor, and demanded (over and over again) that I push the button on his battery-operated toothbrush.

I’d had it. I yelled with such volume that he immediately started crying. I was so frustrated that I kept yelling – about his breakfast, his underwear, his clothing choice, the toothpaste covered bathroom and that stupid button on his toothbrush that, until this morning, he has pushed himself every single day for at least a year. Through my clenched teeth and his tear stained face we got ourselves together, out the door and into the car: him to preschool and me to…a leader’s meeting for my Bible study.

I felt like such a failure. How could I possibly be a “leader” of anything, much less a group of women seeking Jesus? Apparently I’d forgotten all about Him that morning – as if Aqua Fresh Children’s “fresh ‘n’ fruity” toothpaste were the kryptonite of Christ-awareness.

The apostle Paul knew the frustration of failure.  He explains that although he "has the desire to do what is right" he lacks "the ability to carry it out" (Romans 7:18-19).  There is comfort in knowing that a spiritual powerhouse like Paul, who was used by God to change the religious complexion of the world, sometimes found himself doing or saying the wrong thing.

Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives…

I read an article recently by a "reformed yeller," a woman who realized that her yelling was harmful to her kids and, determined not to be "that mom", she just quit doing it. Good for her (I mean that sincerely)!  Unfortunately, my own efforts to "just quit doing it" were a dismal failure.

At first, I did pretty well...until I was faced with a particularly nasty combination of bad attitude, sassy mouth and outright defiance.  My volume increased, my tone sharpened, and I was in mid-yell before I even realized it.  Just like Paul (Romans 7:15) I know what I want to do, but I do the very thing I hate.  And unlike that lovely woman in the article, I couldn't seem to try hard enough to change it consistently.

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves…the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Galatians 5:16,22-23a, 24-25

Love, joy, peace, patience…yeah, all those things painfully absent in me that Monday morning. To let the Holy Spirit guide my life is to live, not under the whims of my emotions, but by the power of the Almighty God, and the results are dramatically different.

I began to realize that my yelling was just a symptom.  The real problem was that I was allowing myself to be controlled by my son's difficult behavior rather than reacting with the heart of one who belongs to Christ Jesus.  I have to be filled by the Holy Spirit and allow HIM to be my guide, not my precious 4-year-old.

We have an immensely loving Heavenly Father, a Savior who died on a cross to grant us salvation in spite of our failures and missteps.  He longs to minister freedom from continued sin through His Holy Spirit, but He does not force it upon us.  We have to seek after it.  We have to put ourselves in a position to hear His voice and sense His guidance, which we can only do when we are in the Word and in prayer consistently.

Oh, how I struggle with that! 

But it is critically important.

Let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives…

Every part of my life.  Although I seek the Holy Spirit quite intentionally in my role as a Bible Study leader, sometimes as a wife, a mom, a daughter...well, those things I try to handle on my own.  And often, not nearly as well as I should.  I don't intentionally exclude God, but sometimes I don't intentionally include Him either.  More and more I realize how desperately I need the Holy Spirit leading EVERY part of my life.  Not just the "Jesus parts."

Seeking Jesus has to be the most important part of my day, every day. Most of us (especially me) can do a better job of this.  Not in a "feel guilty because you don't have a marathon-quiet-time every day" kind of way, but in a "this is the most important thing you will do all day because God loves you and longs to be a part of your life" kind of way. 

Sometimes I think we try to minimize the importance of time with Jesus.  We don't want anyone to feel bad.  Our Christian friends say, "You know, I'm just not having consistent time with the Lord."

And we say, "Well, that's okay. I'm sure you are doing the best you can." 

I'm not so sure this is the best answer.  I'm not sure it's always okay.  And I'm not sure we're always doing the best we can.  Our battle is a spiritual one and I am convinced that some of Satan’s greatest victories will be not amongst those who ignored God entirely but amongst those of us who claim the name of Jesus but whose neglect of our spiritual lives (i.e. time in the Word and prayer) has rendered us spiritually impotent.

Rather than just trying to make each other feel "okay," let's encourage each other!  Pray for and with each other! Pray that if God is calling us to give Him more of our time that He will reveal where that time needs to come from.  If we feel as if we need to spend a little more time in the Word, it may well be because the Holy Spirit is impressing upon us that, well, we need to spend a little more time in the Word!  God knows whether we're doing the "best we can" or whether we're allowing other things to creep into the place where He belongs.  Let's not be tempted to compare ourselves to each other - but rather let's seek the Lord for the answer as to whether things are good as they are or whether we need to change things up a bit.  And if He's calling us to change it up a bit, do it!

As I've sought to prioritize my time with God, I'm discovering that there is a softening of my reactions to things that once would have set off my yell-o-matic.  I have begun to pray daily over my parenting, asking specifically that the Lord would help me parent with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control.  Through the Holy Spirit, I want to reflect Jesus in my home as much as anywhere.

I want to follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of my life - especially those parts covered in fresh-n-fruity toothpaste!

Follow the Leader

Follow the leader: surely most of us remember playing that as a kid. It is a game we begin in toddlerhood and truthfully never really stop playing. The leaders change and the line following may not be such a literal one, but it is one of the games we learn as children that we never cease to play. The path we were led around our grade school playground becomes a metaphor for our professional lives as we emulate those who’ve found financial success in the business world. Our childhood attempts to imitate the “goofy walk” are replaced by our attempts to imitate the intentional steps of a successful marriage we admire or the methods of parenting which seem to succeed. For those of us who claim Christ and identify ourselves as believers, we say we follow Jesus and our lives (not simply our mouths) should bear this out.  I find myself asking the question: does mine?

I have clear recollections of my 7-year-old self as part of that follow-the-leader line, contorting in Quasimodo-type fashion, dragging one leg, desperately trying to copy the increasingly complex amblings of the one in front. I’m sad to admit that there have been many times when I put more effort into looking like a fool on the playground than following Jesus and His plan for me.

How do we follow – practically, I mean? How do we plan our lives under His purpose? How do we make decisions through His wisdom?

Like Peter at the last supper I have proclaimed “I would follow you even unto death!” But then someone posts a rude comment on Facebook, and I want to reply (and not in a godly way). I become frustrated with a complex family situation and want to retaliate for the hurts my family suffers at the hands of those who are self-centered and thoughtless. I want to put people in their place, defend myself, demand my version of justice, go my own way and get what’s owed to me…not exactly a picture of following Jesus, is it?

But how often have I done those things, justified each of them in my mind and then asked God to bless me and give me strength, either through the thing or, more often, as I try to manage the fallout of something I know deep down wasn’t something God would have had me do at all.

WWJD

Years ago there was a movement complete with bracelets and coasters and wall plaques emblazoned with this abbreviated reminder – What Would Jesus Do.

While a wonderful way to approach the struggles and situations that life throws at us, the critical part of this is actually KNOWING: What WOULD Jesus would do?  And how do we know?

I believe the answer lies in these words spoken by our precious Savior: My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27

My sheep hear my voice...  =  Time in the Word

A recent study indicates that only 19% of Christians read the Bible every day. That leaves 81% of us who claim the name of Christ just not finding a way to fit His Word into our daily lives. 81%. Imagine the radical shift in our lives as believers if we were to make our time in the Word not something we just “get to if I have time,” but rather the things we do first and make some of those other things we always seem to find time for the “stuff we get to if we have time.” Turn off the TV. Turn off the computer. Pay less attention to what our friends are saying on Facebook and more attention to what God says in His Word. Imagine how that would impact our churches, our Bible Studies, our families...

Take it a step further and imagine what it would be like if we as believers couldn’t WAIT to get into God’s Word because we were just so hopelessly in love with Jesus. What if our gratitude for His work on the cross and His relentless pursuit of us was so real, so overwhelming, so powerful, that reading the Bible every day wasn’t a matter of checking some box of daily “have to’s” but rather that we simply couldn’t imagine anything more important than spending time with Him and reading what He has to say to us.

Do we dare to ask ourselves: "Does that describe my relationship with Jesus?"  And if not, why not?

Because when the creator of the universe who engineered everything from a garden slug to the intricacies of climate that sustain life, when THAT God loves you so much that he willingly DIED for you, that’s beyond awe-inspiring. How do I walk away from THAT God and say “yeah, Lord, that’s nice and all…but, before I get into your Word, let me just see what everybody is sayin’ on Facebook…first let me catch up on the latest episode of _____....first let me...”   

Really?

Somehow time in the Word gets squeezed out by all that other stuff we'd rather do.

And as for "What Would Jesus Do?" - without a steady diet of His Word, it is all too tempting, even unintentionally, to recast Jesus into little more than a kinder, gentler version of ourselves.  Unless we actively seek Him through the pages of the Bible, our efforts to know what He would do in any given situation are little more than biased assumptions made through a lens of our own preferences and prejudices.  What Would Jesus Do becomes little more than “’What would I do’ on a really good day.

Be in the Word. Every single day. Not because you’re “checking the box.” But because it is the love letter from an Almighty God who loves you relentlessly and died for you. And He has something to say to you.

...and I know them...  =  Prayer

Prayer is the privilege of having a conversation with our Heavenly Father.  Of sharing our hearts and our hopes and our fears and our lives with our Lord. And of giving Him the opportunity to speak to us as well.  When Christ says "I know them" it isn't a matter of knowing our names and our lives - He knows that of everyone, whether we've ever come before Him in prayer or not. Rather, it is knowing us as His.  When I belong to Jesus, prayer is part of identifying myself with Christ, and it needs to be a priority.

I have to admit, until very recently, this one has been a challenge for me. I pray at meal times, I pray at Bible study (of course), I pray when my friends and loved ones are struggling with something difficult (also, of course), I pray when things in my life are in the toilet (definitely, OF COURSE) but setting aside time every day to talk to God as consistently as I talk to my husband…not so “of course.”

I also began to realize that I have often spent a great deal of time thinking about struggles, decisions or challenging situations (mulling over my options, considering different courses of action from a practical perspective, even justifying my intended reaction), but very little time actually praying about them, all the while deluding myself that they are one and the same.

The difference between thinking about something and praying about it is simple, but significant:

• Thinking leaves my hand firmly on the thing, held by my predetermined intentions to either follow through with a certain course of action or toss it aside.
• To pray over that same decision is to take it before the Lord in a very intentional way (often more than once), lay it on the alter and truly relinquish my rights to it.

So much easier said than done.

So much easier to think about it, and call it prayer.

Whether in crisis or in a place of serenity, prayer should be a part of our daily lives as believers simply because Christ both modeled it and His Word clearly expects it of us.  As I've become more purposeful in my prayer time I'm amazed at how the Lord has created in me an attitude shift: it has become a privilege for which I am grateful rather than an obligation which burdens me with guilt when I fail.

A word of caution:  While it is impossible to over-emphasize the importance of making time in the Word and prayer a daily priority, beware of the temptation to turn it into a legalistic requirement.  Seeking God daily should be done out of gratitude for Christ's work on the cross, inspired by the love God has for us expressed in the sending of his Son.  When we turn it into a "box we check" the focus can easily shift from what God has done for us to what we are doing for God.  The danger here is two-fold: First, we can find ourselves embracing a "works" mentality whereby we think doing these certain things contribute to our salvation, make God "like us more" or keep Him from being angry with us. Secondly, creating a mental list of "everything we are doing to live a Holy life" can lead to pride or comparing ourselves to other believers.  Combat that with acknowledging the supreme sacrifice made by the Almighty God that allows us to lay claim to any holiness at all. Paul says clearly "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

...and they follow me.

Follow the leader - even the playground version – is a matter of focus. If our eyes aren’t firmly on the one who is leading, we can’t hope to follow his direction, much less imitate his behavior.   When it comes to our lives in Christ, we can't follow Him unless we know Him and knowing Him comes only through time with Him, both in the Word and on our knees.   But ultimately following Him and treading firmly in His footprints is only possible when we are motivated by love.  Not guilt.  Not fear.  But love.

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

I follow Him because I love Him.  I love Him because I am getting to know Him.  And I am getting to know Him because I seek Him day after day, overwhelmed by His continuing faithfulness and the knowledge that He loved me FIRST.  While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me.  And you.

Is anything else more worthy of our time?

Trials and Troubles

One scorching summer day many years ago, I was driving down the highway when I pulled alongside a little compact car with one of those cheap plastic kiddie-pools tied to the top. Unfortunately, the front half had not been well secured, and the winds of highway speeds had caught up under it, tearing the little pool nearly in two. The torn half shook violently atop the car like a smiling-sea-creature-adorned blue plastic sail, and beneath it, the havoc inside the car indicated that everyone was well aware of the demise of their pool – and their afternoon plans. The two kids in the back seat were crying hysterically. The young mom was leaning between the front seats shouting something in frustration and the father was driving with a grim look of determination, undoubtedly desperate to get home and free himself from the suffocating chaos.

Life is like that sometimes, isn’t it? Plans go awry. You anticipate one thing, but something completely unexpected happens. Whether a simple afternoon of fun becomes an exercise in managing disappointment or we find our entire future radically altered through circumstance, our lives can be unpredictable.

When we face those sudden changes of direction, our reactions are as varied as the plans they interrupt. Some of us get hysterical and cry. Some of us become frustrated or angry. Some of us grind through with grim determination. Some of us plaster on a plastic smile and make the best of it. Most of us can recognize ourselves in any one of those at one time or another. How do you react when things fall apart? I mean, honestly, because for me, all too often, there is a godly reaction...and then there is MY reaction.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow...If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. James 1:2-3, 5-6a

If you're in the midst of one of those rough spots or direction-changes, this verse may make you groan. "JOY? Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to be HAPPY about this?"

No. That's not what this passage is saying.

Trouble is troubling Trials are trying. Let’s not pretend that isn’t true.

James recognizes that times of crisis test our faith. And THAT is where we either choose to seek Christ and His purposes in the midst of that crisis OR we choose hysteria, frustration, anger, bitterness, or grim determination to grind through under our own power. When it comes to my own trials and difficulties, my initial reactions have often been anything and everything but seeking Christ. Thankfully, we can take a deep breath and head back into the arms of Jesus, no matter what we did initially. He’s always there waiting for us.

Sometimes as believers we think passages like this one in James mean that we are supposed to smile and pretend everything is fine when it isn’t. In reality, we can use a fake smile just as effectively as a grown-up temper tantrum when it comes to creating a barrier between us and God’s healing, shaping hand. Don't pretend in front of God. If you’re angry, tell Him. If you are hurting, tell Him. If you are exhausted, confused, hysterical or frustrated, TELL HIM. And if you are just gripping the steering wheel in grim determination to get through whatever it is you are going through, tell Him that, too. The honesty is for our own sake, not God’s. He KNOWS where we are, but we make it difficult to receive His direction moving beyond those feelings and frustrations if we are in denial about having them. It is through seeking the Lord in the midst of it that our faith and endurance grow.

I will bring that group through the fire
and make them pure.
I will refine them like silver
and purify them like gold.
They will call on my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘These are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’” Zechariah 13:9

I’m about to say something really, really unpopular.

God cares a lot more about our holiness than our happiness.

Some of those TV preachers in shiny suits promise that God is just sitting up there in heaven waiting to bring you health and wealth and happiness - that if you just believe (and sow a "love gift"), God will bring you your “Best Life Now.”

I think we may be a little confused at times what our “Best Life” actually looks like.  Is it smiling broadly, healthy and tanned, in front of our palatial home holding the keys to our shiny new car or is it living a pure and holy life, sharing the unfathomable depths of God’s love and the cleansing blood of the cross to a hurting world?

God brings us through the fires of disappointment, trial, or tragedy to mold us, shape us, purify us - to make us more and more like Jesus. When we give our lives to Christ and commit to following Him, we are called to live holy lives and be conformed to His image. Sometimes that conformation requires a lot of refining and purifying – I mean, maybe YOU walk by and people say “Oh, wow, was that JESUS? Oh, no, that was just Fred” but me? No, sadly there are far too many differentiating characteristics, even in a robe and stick-on beard. More refining, more purifying, one crisis at a time.

I don’t want to waste the crisis He is bringing me through by failing (or refusing) to see His purposes in it!  I don’t understand the why’s (or where’s or how’s) but I DO know that God is good and Holy and Almighty and He wants to purify me and refine me as one of His people. Oswald Chambers in his devotional My Utmost for His Highest says:

Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is.

The Lord will reveal Himself through our circumstances. Good ones, certainly, but bad ones especially. He doesn’t necessarily “fix it” as we would like, but He is always faithful to sustain us when we depend on Him. Life's direction changes and disappointments should find us firmly in the Word and on our knees. It is through those troubles and trials that we discover the faithfulness of Christ, and THAT is the “opportunity for great joy.” Not the problem. Not the tragedy. But the faithfulness of Christ through our dark times of difficulty. And oh, how faithful He is!! I have shouted at God in frustration, I have screamed for Him to “show up” because I’m not sure I can take anymore. I have cried out to him through floods of tears over my own sin and failures. I have sat silently in His presence humbled by the privilege of his attention. And I have worshipped him with songs of praise from my living room when my mediocre voice was the only one singing. Whatever it is, it is always real. And God is always faithful.



 

A universe of hugs

“I love you so much, it’s like how much you love me, times a zillion.” My four-year-old son is generous with hugs, kisses and his declarations of affection. Recently he has taken to trying to quantify the depth of his love for his dad and I, and most of our “I love you’s” are met by his attempt to explain how HUGE his love is. “I love you 1 trillion, 5 million, seven-zero-ty-one.” “I love you bigger than anyone in the whole world!” or one of my favorites: “I love you as much as if the whole universe were hugs,” And yet I am quite sure that I love him more.

It is very likely that in ten years or so, there will come a season when my beloved son will not make these heart-warming pronouncements. Oh, that I could bottle them and save them up for his teen years! At some point, he will be probably be embarrassed to be seen in public with his mom and dad. He will slam his bedroom door and wonder why he got saddled with such ridiculous parents. I’m sure it will sting, but I will love him anyway, pray for him and remember fondly what it was like when the whole universe was full of hugs just for me.

Our Heavenly Father knows exactly how that feels.

I was raised in church, and as a little girl I would memorize Bible verses and preach deep theological sermons to the cows that grazed in the pastures behind my rural home (I’m sure I have many bovine converts to my credit and I can only imagine how those many changed cow-lives impacted the cattle in neighboring pastures). As I grew up, the seductions of the world choked out my childhood faith. By the time I was in high school, I didn’t want to be seen in public with God anymore. As a freshman in college, I very intentionally turned my back on Him and slammed the door behind me.

Oh, how that must have grieved God!

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

I am so humbled by God’s love for me. By His patience with me. By His persistence in seeking after me after all I did to distance myself from Him. He doesn’t wait for us to clean ourselves up. He doesn’t wait for us to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and pull ourselves together. While we were still sinners…we are to come as we are. Leave the cleaning up to God.

We cannot ever fully grasp the extent of God’s love for us, but to lay hold of even a corner of the depth and breadth of his affections, I think we must first recognize and acknowledge the immensity and power of God Himself.

We sometimes – even unintentionally - prefer to make God into something of our own creation rather than acknowledge that the opposite is true. We cast him comfortably into the role of a grey-haired elderly sort who used his create-o-matic to churn out lambs and bunny rabbits at the dawn of time and now resides on a cloud where he answers the occasional prayer and enjoys an endless chorus of harp music. To acknowledge the affections of this version of God is, well, expected. Of course he loves us. He’s just like the divine version of everybody’s favorite grandpa.

But that’s not really God.

To even begin comprehend God is to first recognize that he is incomprehensible and that His power and sovereignty is so far beyond anything we could possibly hope to understand, any attempt to turn him into something we can “wrap our brains around” is to actually deny the essence of who He is. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, almighty and absolutely holy.  The prophet Isaiah describes his encounter with the Lord:

…I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!”      Isaiah 6:1-3

The heavenly beings who exist in His presence are in a perpetual state of worship because the Lord is so Holy! When Isaiah witnesses this he says:

...“Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” Isaiah 6:5

When confronted with the majesty and holiness of God, our sin and the wretchedness of our humanity is exposed. If contemplation upon our Heavenly Father does not leave us completely in awe and laid bare, I have to wonder if we are really contemplating God at all.

And yet THIS is the God who loves us. The God who created all that we see and hear and engineered our capacity to do so, the God who placed the stars in the sky and designed our solar system to sustain life, THIS God knows the number of hairs on our heads and loves us. He wants not only a relationship with us, but to identify us as his children. And he was willing to send his son to die for us in order to make that possible.

What love He has for us!

Even an entire universe of hugs cannot match it.

Sacrifice

Sacrifice is one of those words that has always made me a little uncomfortable. As an only child in a self-absorbed culture, the mere suggestion of sacrifice has, at times, left me desperate to rationalize all the reasons why it isn’t really necessary. Converting suggestion to action and actually making a sacrifice – even a seemingly insignificant one - has, sometimes been enough to make me downright resentful.

It’s humiliating, really, to admit how selfish I have been throughout much of my life. Humiliating to think how I’ve struggled to give up foods I love in a quest for better health for the sake of my family. Humiliating to consider the number of times my “good intentions” have gone unrealized because I didn’t want to inconvenience myself and sacrifice my effort or time (especially my time) for the benefit of someone else.

And those are just the little things.

 

Read: Genesis 22:1-3

If you grew up in church, the story of Abraham and Isaac’s journey to Moriah is a familiar one. It is the uncomfortable tale of how God makes an unimaginable demand of his faithful follower Abraham: Take your precious son, your beloved long awaited and long prayed for son, and sacrifice him as a burnt offering.

For many years I struggled with this story. In all honesty, I saw it as a disturbing account of a cruel God and a follower who must be nothing short of brainwashed to respond in obedience to such an appalling demand.

But as I’ve grown in my faith and poured through this story with a heart to understand it, I’ve realized that in truth it is the beautiful story of how God takes us through testing and hardship to mature us, to expose areas where we need to grow or change and ultimately to reveal himself to us. Sometimes that testing is about sacrifice.

I found myself in this story once again this week, and as so often happens with Scripture, a new reading brought deeper reflection as I placed myself in Abraham’s robes and considered the walk to Moriah.

What are you willing to sacrifice for God?

That is certainly a question to consider, but I believe the real question, the more painful question, the question that exposes where we need to grow is:

What are you NOT willing to sacrifice?

Where do you draw the line and say “No way. I will NOT give up Survivor / Facebook / Starbucks / Chocolate Frosted Cake Donuts.” “Lord, I’ll follow you, but don’t ask me to give up cable TV / sell my house / trade in my luxury car / take a different job.”

Genesis 22 opens by telling us that God is testing Abraham. Abraham. The man who gave up the comfort of familiar surroundings and the security of family and friends to walk out into the wilderness, to a land yet unknown to him, because God told him to (Genesis 12:1-4). Talk about a test – that was a test, and Abraham walked out in faith. Yet here we are, years later, and God is testing him again, calling him to give up something, again, but this time the sacrifice he is asking for is beyond comprehension. Sacrifice your son. Your only son, the son you love and upon whom all your hopes and dreams for the future rest. And Abraham’s response? He saddled up the donkey and headed to Moriah.

Minds and hearts more qualified than mine have mined this story for spiritual truth, but as I read this story I am struck by those lessons that I can take with me into my daily life:

God will test us – even if He has tested us before. Faith is not like one of those things where you study up, have the big test and if you pass you’re certified. As believers, we’re never DONE. There is always more to learn, more to develop, more to be done to purify us to be more and more like Jesus. I know I’m definitely not there yet, and there are undoubtedly many tests to come.

God will often ask us to relinquish the one thing we most want to hang on to. Abraham loved this child, as any of us with children can understand, but along with that was the fact that Isaac was the key to all of God’s promises to Abraham. In Timothy Keller’s book Counterfeit Gods he says:

If God had not intervened [that is, demanded the sacrifice of Isaac] Abraham would have certainly come to love his son more than anything in the world, if he did not already do so. That would have been idolatry and all idolatry is destructive. 
          From this perspective we see that God’s extremely rough treatment of Abraham was actually merciful. Isaac was a wonderful gift to Abraham, but he was not safe to have and hold until Abraham was willing to put God first. As long as Abraham never had to choose between his son and obedience to God, he could not see that his love was becoming idolatrous (pp. 13-14).

God is clear that we are to have “no other god’s before me.” Not our children, not our bank account, not our career or our home or computer or food or...anything.

One of the hardest prayers I’ve ever prayed is that the Lord would show me those things in my life that keep me from Him. Actually, the prayer itself was easy, but acknowledging the answer? Not so much. It isn’t the magnitude of the thing as much as my attachment to it. Some of us would rather sell our homes than give up Facebook. Is my relationship with Jesus important enough to me to pray that prayer and then act upon the answer?

When God calls, just go. Abraham didn’t mull over God’s request for a week or two. He didn’t argue with God, or beg him to reconsider. He didn't ignore God and hope that maybe He would forget about it.  Abraham got up the next morning and he went. If the Almighty Creator of the universe calls you, for heaven’s sake, GO!

That isn't the end of the story, of course.  I chose to split the story into two parts because I think there is value in reflecting on each piece individually. The first piece above involves simply knowing what God has called us to sacrifice. The second piece brings about the business of actually doing it, and that is a very different, and often very difficult thing.

Read: Genesis 22:9-14

When God calls us to sacrifice, he asks US to lay the thing upon the alter. God did not take Isaac from Abraham, he asked Abraham to give him up. Abraham had to build the alter, lay the wood upon it, bind his son, lay him upon the wood and then draw the knife. When God reveals something that must go (and whatever it is that chafes you to think about, that may well be it) it is our job to take the thing, bind it and lay it upon the alter.

 

My response to God’s call reveals both my knowledge of who He is and the depth of my love for Him. Ask a sanctuary full of church people, “Do you love God?” and hands will raise and heads will nod. Look into the schedules, the bank accounts, and the lives of those same people and the truth about those hands and heads will be revealed.  I cannot love a God I do not know and I cannot know a God with whom I don’t share my life.  Do I view my relationships, my decisions and my reactions to the world around me through the lens of my relationship with Christ, or is Jesus just like a sweater I put on and take off depending upon whether I'll be around my Christian friends?  Is time in the Word a priority or something I just squeeze in "if I have time"?  Do I approach my prayer time as simply a time to make my requests known to the Lord, or do I also come with ears to listen?  "Christian" is more than a box I check under "religious affiliation."  As a follower of Christ, it defines who I am, or at least it should.

You gotta look up if you want to see God's provision.  At the moment that the Angel of the Lord called out to Abraham to stop him from harming his son, he looked up and saw that God had provided a ram for sacrifice. God’s intention from the start was always to provide a ram for Abraham, but the Lord had to take Abraham through the process of laying Isaac on the alter and acknowledging that as much as he loved this precious son, he loved God more. Ultimately Abraham knew that God was a holy God who would keep his promises to him and he recognized that his obedience to God’s call was more important than understanding God’s call. God always provides, but our focus must be on Him. If we are so focused on that thing we feel called to give up, we will never see God’s provision in the midst of it.

When God calls us to sacrifice something, it is never really about the thing we’re giving up, it is about an unhealthy relationship with that thing. Sometimes, like with Abraham and Isaac, our willingness to sacrifice it is enough and in the end we don't have to give it up at all.  But when our attachment to something interferes with our relationship with God or our capacity to live out that which He has called us to, it needs to go, pure and simple. 

Sometimes the sacrifices God calls us to are great, but sometimes the smaller ones are just as difficult to put into practice:

• the "sacrifice" of a little of my time and effort to make a meal for a friend who needs help
• the "sacrifice" of a favorite show on television in order to spend that time with the Lord instead
• the "sacrifice" of some of my favorite foods in order to be a healthier wife and mother 

When I pause to consider the sacrifice Christ made on the cross for me, that I might have the privilege of being called a child of God, that I might spend eternity with him, that I could be forgiven for all my sins and shortcomings (including the selfishness that makes these puny sacrifices such a struggle for me) when I consider Jesus on that cross giving His life for me, I am so humbled.  I am so overwhelmed by gratitude. I am so convicted of those times I've failed to love HIM more than my TV show or Facebook or my free time or food.  That's really what it is - at least for me.  I'm telling God that MY WILL is more important than HIS WILL.  I'm telling Him, "God, you're pretty neat and all, but I love this stuff MORE."

     When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
      the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
     what is man that you are mindful of him,
      and the son of man that you care for him  Psalm 8:3-4

The Almighty God, the Creator of heaven and earth, sacrificed his Beloved Son out of love for us.  This is the God that calls us. For heaven's sake, just go.

  

 

  

 

 

Overcoming...

It’s a new year (Since I am somewhat of a procrastinator, I don’t really get around to acknowledging this big calendar change until February), and as we do with new years, we begin new starts on all kinds of things. I’m not much one for New Year’s Resolutions. I see them as promises I make to myself that, honestly and deep down, I have little intention and less hope of keeping. I do believe in new beginnings, though, because by God’s grace, I am one in so many ways. 

And in the spirit of new beginnings, I start afresh with my little blog here.

As I’ve contemplated what it is I really envision for this foray into my online pontifications. I realized that perhaps I want to expand it a bit. My relationship with Jesus is so much bigger than my relationship with food – at least it is beginning to be – and so I am going to include entries along that line as well, regardless of their relationship to chocolate donuts, potato chips or my dysfunctional relationship with them. I still face battles with my eating habits and things I need to work through, but I as I consider the things I need to overcome, I find myself in awe of the great overcomer.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

There will always be things to overcome. Christ overcame them all, and through Him we can do the same.